Episode 86 -Sinead (Pre Baby Chat)

Updated: Dec 15, 2021

Multiple Early Pregnancy Losses, Pregnancy After Loss, Anticipation of Meeting Sparky




Corah

Welcome to Ireland's birth stories, a podcast created for women to share their experiences for pregnancy and birth. My name is Corah Gernon and I've created this space to enable women to share their experiences from start to finish what I feel shy about the detail. As you know the podcast is currently sponsored by waterfall for the month of December waterfall are spreading some Christmas cheer by giving away a six month supply of wipes each for you and a friend. So to be in with a chance of winning follow waterfalls, Instagram page Word for baby wipes, which I will link in the show notes. Make sure to tag your friend on the posts that I put up the other day. The artist press stories page, winner will be announced on Instagram. Good luck. And don't forget to waterful baby wipes contain just two simple ingredients or 99.9% purified water. Water for baby wipes are 100% plastic free, 100% biodegradable and 100% compostable breaking down in a matter of weeks, they are the best choice for your baby's skin and for the planet. The wives very recently won the Best New Product and with the moms and tots awards after only a few months on the shelves, which is amazing. And they're definitely on track to win a lot more awards in 2022. So make sure to go over follow the Instagram page which I have tagged in the show notes. And make sure to take your friends over on my own page. Good luck. You will have to excuse my blockdos I seem to constantly have a cold the past few weeks, and you've listened to me with a stuffy nose do my recordings. So this week, I am sharing a bonus episode and I will do the following week as well. I know it'll be a lot of walks over the next few weeks over Christmas to get some fresh air and some space as well. So I thought I'd share some extra episodes. So this week I will be sharing my chat with Sinead Hingston. We spoke a couple of weeks back when she was heavily pregnant with her little baby who Widodo is a little boy. So she chatted about multiple early pregnancy losses, dealing with pregnancy after los, coping with scanxiety. Although like you really want to see the baby at the scan, there's so much fear walking through the through those doors to see baby and to see that everything is okay with that chat about the build up to baby and kind of letting yourself feel excited. She admits that she hasn't really been able to read not enjoy, but really settle into the pregnancy because she's so fearful that something is going to go wrong and you really can't believe that she is about to have this baby. So she's all prepared. She talks to me about her bike and how she is feeling and hate the fact that she just cannot wait to hold her baby. She also we also spoke last year about her first experience of birth. Bring her little girl Lilly to the world. So I will pop that in the show notes as well. It is a really tough lesson it's so during a really hard time in shades life. So I will let you listen to this episode at a joy chat at the end I really enjoyed. So I hope you enjoy and I will chatty soon. So Sinead, you're very welcome. I'm delighted to see your face again and have you back chatting to me. There was the last time we were just having a chat that we were just saying there's actually this time last year this month last year that we we first spoke and you shared your story with Lily. Yeah.


Sinead

Yeah, my delightful delivery as I call it with Lily, my wonderful experience of being. Yeah,


Corah

yeah. So I'll link that episode as well in the show notes for anyone who wants wanted to hear our first conversation. But I was saying to you there as well. The last time we spoke we you mentioned that you weren't going to conceive again. And now you're in front of me and you're June a couple of weeks. Yes. So we'll bring it back and go through go through the last the last year then.


Sinead

Corah 13:31 or number three give it a rush see what athletes doing was caught just turned to and, and yeah, we just figured it was the right time. I was getting older turning 39 last year so decided to jet number three and got pregnant quite quickly. We we decided in January. We were pregnant in April. And actually the longest gap in from trying to positive test that I've ever had because usually I blink and I'm pregnant with the other day anyway. So again, And then we were kind of thrown into working from home from the end of March and the kids were pulled out of school and crashed and our house was just okay to fun. It was hell on earth. I'm gonna like, okay, the two of us were literally like we only we live in a three bed semi, there's no no spare rooms to go and work in. So there was just carnage. But then early on, I was only about five and a half weeks pregnant. And literally went to the toilet and I started bleeding, which was very new to me. I've never had anything like that with the other two. And so fontanez treatment just says, you know, I'm pregnant but I've just started bleeding and the usual how far gone a year five and a half weeks. Yeah, too early to tell do we nothing there to see. But if you really want to come on in on your way to a&e so went in to be checked. And obviously it's go on my own. And they did a tummy scan, but obviously couldn't see a thing because so early on the machines, and a&e Wouldn't be the greatest anyway. So they just told me to come back. They deployed and they said, Look, you know, we need to give it another week before we'll be able to see anything anyway, a couple of days later got a phone call to say to come in because my HCG levels were quite high. And so they just said like, they should be able to see something. But went in. There was no there was no, there was nothing. There was a sock and nothing else that week that like it was literally five and a half weeks. So there was no, you know, the sock was there. But there's no embryo in the sock. So I was like, Okay, this is very early on. This is a good thing psychologically. In my head, there was no baby there. So I was like, It's okay. There's nothing. You know, it's happened really, really early on. And so they did make me come back a week later. And sadly, a week later, there was an embryo there with no heartbeat. So six and a half weeks, it has measures pretty much on because it was so tiny anyway, which had no heartbeat. So they brought me back in then another week later. So it was a good two weeks of waiting around to see if anything was going to develop. And yeah, seven weeks, they just said look, you know, it's not going to be a viable pregnancy. There's no heartbeat on the sock was a really weird irregular shape. And so I was absolutely traumatised, like I had bled quite heavily in two weeks as well. And like in my head, everything had passed. And you know, there was nothing left and everything else but I still nothing can pass. So I don't even know where all the blood was coming from. For so I had a DNC then with that, which again was horrific. I mean, you're dropped off the front door during COVID. You know, they can't see your partner, your husband couldn't come separately. And then we we kind of cracks on we didn't really want to wait around. We didn't really give ourselves much time. We just kind of continued on as normal. And then in the July I found out I was breaking together and we were actually way harder to staycation and Carrie. And I hadn't had a cycle in between. So I had no like I had nothing to go on. I've no date so nothing didn't even know that I had ovulated I'm not one of those people at the time. That was like so clued in to my system that I'm like, Oh, I think I'm ovulating today. And so yeah, I didn't have a clue. So obviously found holosuite. Again, looking back now, like I laugh I'd say I took about 10 million pregnancy test last year if I actually out of the model. And looking back, the progression of those tests was so slow, like, and it's not something I had any experience with. So I didn't think anything of it at the time. But now I know obviously. And pyjamas so I felt very pregnant. Boos restored the usual lift queasiness in the evening, I never got morning set as observers in the evening. And I booked a private scan at seven weeks.


Corah

Did they make any suggestion that it could have been an ectopic pregnancy.


Sinead

They checked both tubes, and they couldn't see any signs of an ectopic. And so yeah, they just said on the Friday, like, they kind of were like we want to keep you in and I was like oh, no, no, no, no, because like this was, you know, partners and husbands were not allowed into the hospital. And I was like, I'm not saying here, like, there's no way I'm sitting here all weekend on my own happening. And I am one of those people like, you know, obviously anyone who this is the first podcast that we did well, no, no. And Jeff died. I was pregnant with Lily. But since that moment, I have kept busy, it's my way through life. I don't sit and do nothing. I keep busy, I keep moving, I keep my mind occupied, so it doesn't go to dark places. And I was like, I can't sit on the bed for two days by myself. Like, this is not good for me. But she basically says that, because my levels had risen so much. And I lived a good 40 minute drive from the hospital. She was like if you collapse, and you're that far away from us like it, it's not safe. Like it's actually quite dangerous. You know, you can you can die if this rupture is somewhere where it's not supposed to be and I was like, okay, that's not great either. Like what do you do here, you know, and so I was captain on the Friday and all weekend was very much scans, Bloods, you know, just keeping an eye and the doctor came in and talked about methotrexate injection. I had done some Reacher's research on this. And I was adamant that I wasn't doing enough. So I was like, I'm not having that injection and 39 years old, you have to wait for at least three months after you get the injection before you can even start trying again. And it doesn't necessarily work the first time. So you might have to have a second injection I just for me, at that time was not the right thing for me to do how I've been maybe 10 years younger, it wouldn't have bothered me so much but I was like no, I'm not you know, that's not the route I want to go down.


Corah

So do you want to tell us what that is for the for the listeners who don't know what that injection is?


Sinead

So basically they they give you this it's like a cancer drug from what I are a chemo drug from what I have read or been and it basically breaks down the cells so effectively is the injected into your tie. And is I suppose targets the the embryo wherever it's implanted itself, and it dissolves so effectively is meant to break down the embryo. And that's my understanding of what it does. Now obviously, I'm not a professional I you know, that's just from what I read. That's kind of the idea. And but sometimes it doesn't work and you need a second one on then even thought it might work. You might need surgery anyway. So in my hands, all of these things were kind of flagging don't get the injection, just let them see what happens here. And also, if if you've had an ectopic and they've removed the embryo that left you with your tooth, your risk of having another chocolate can be higher because she was damaged from what I have been told. Okay, that that was also playing on my mind. I was like well I definitely don't want to risk having another example if this even at that stage they weren't 100% It was an ectopic so on the Sunday then Michael came in same with kids and I pretty much begged the nurse I was like geez let me go to Marion Square and just see my kids and go to the playground and whatever and she was like rice, and I felt awful. I felt like shit. But she was like, me sure you're ready to go. And I was like, yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. And she was like, Look, the paperwork that I'm gonna have to do a few laps over there. I was like, I promise. I promise I got my husband to bring me all the way back,



So went over and hung out with the kids for a couple of days, it was just it was so low, it was exactly what I needed. I felt awful. I got back that evening, and she was like, you don't look ready. So I was like, No, I really don't feel well. And randomly, I had a pain on my right side. But ultimately, they found everything anyway, on the left hand side. So I had been really adamant about not getting the injection. So the only other option was to go in and have a look and see if they could see by actually putting a camera in my tummy to see if it was in there. So the Monday then there was talk about going in for surgery, and they eventually decided Monday evening, they were going to bring me in. So I went in, and they found a little TT embryo in my left tube. So the opposite sides were to I was getting my phantom pain. And they removed my tube as well, because he said that it had just ruptures. So I was like, in a way kind of gods, you know that they actually didn't leave the tube damaged, because obviously, it increases your chances of having another ectopic and obviously, disappointed, I suppose 39 going for, you know, we really do want to turn it and I've only got one shoe. And we have so they did it a little DNC as well, because there had been this little random black sack as well in my uterus this whole time just to throw them with those little extras that they didn't see as well. So he did say to me Look, you know, ideally, way to cycle before you start trying again, just to give yourself time to let us do a pregnancy better, you know, because obviously this one, I have no clue how far gone I was. And so we waited to cycle and we got pregnant again, straight away, which was, you know, obviously, very first, I have no problem getting pregnant, which is clear. And so yeah, we find out you're pregnant in the October absolutely over the moon again, felt grace as it was, you know, all the usual symptoms, obviously, petrifies. Because you just don't know after having to box a box, you're gonna go and look, chances are high that there's going to be another one. But feeling very hopeful at the same time and had very early stone. So they took me in it like six weeks to make sure that it had implanters where it was meant to. And then it has and everything was great and little heartbeats. And they brought me back in eight weeks, again to check and everything was grazed another little heartbeat. And everything was measuring the way it was meant to measure. And, and then nine weeks, it was on the Thursday, I was sitting at the kitchen table again, working from home. And I just felt different. I can't even describe why like my boobs were still sore. I still felt pregnant, but I just felt different pregnant. And no bleeding, no nothing, no pain, nothing. And I just run on the street. And I said, Look, I just feel different. And I just said, oh, you know, you've had to Boxpark losses, it's totally natural for you to be paranoid and worried and all the rest. And I was like, No, I know that. But I still there's just something funny. I just don't know, I can't put my finger on and said, Look, we're not going to turn you away at the door. We don't want to be dragging the end either. Like, you know, you're obviously not next door to I suppose she said, Look, come on in if you want but you know, no pain, no bleeding. There's no reason for you to be worrying. Everything's been fine. The last couple of scans that you've had with leaving me I was like, No, I just, I just feel like there's something. So went in. She did a Tomi scan first. Now it should have been nine and a half we thought stage and She then said no, look, I'm actually gonna do internal and I knew then I was like, there's no heartbeat. So I can tell because, you know, there's no way they would be able to see a heartbeat. And he told me at this stage. And so she did the internal scan on Jeff, there was no heartbeat again. So we lost me. We named that one Charlie Lilly decided that she was going to call the Charlie because it could be a boy or girls name. And and I literally person shares and begged them to do the DNC there. And then they said nope, you have to wait. So I went back in the Monday and I had another DNC on the Monday and they send that baby off for testing. So because it was my third obviously in a row and they sent him off seventh of January then I had to go back in and have just scans on my tubes and everywhere just to make sure that everything else was kind of functioning the way it was supposed to, I suppose. And so early January, I had all that done. I had all loads of loads and everything taken. Michelangelo's might have gone bloods tube thing taken out about 50 as a way to make it feel like it's the woman's fault. And yeah, so everything came back normal. Everything was fine. You know, bottom line, I suppose was just age, ageing eggs, and they got the results back then from Charlie, and they find out that it was a little boy, which was very hard to swallow, I have to say it was a lot easier, I suppose to kind of digest when you don't really know. I don't know, it just felt way more connective when I knew the sex. But he had Trisomy 21, as well. So that explained why he didn't make a Trisomy 21 is Down syndrome. And so yeah, it was hard, obviously just didn't grow property.


Corah

And I think I think even when you lost little Charlie, you post a little picture of a white rose. And I remember, I was in bed, and it was such a good punch when I saw that, because everyone was rooting for you and for the baby. And we just be so excited. And then when I saw that, no, no, not again. Yeah.


Sinead

I know, it was exactly that it was just like, you know, you're so hopeful. And you're so full of like, we've got this, you know, we're due next July, everything's gonna be amazing. And then, to hear those words again, like, I'm sorry, you were right. There's no heartbeat. Like, it was just, I have to say, It was horrific. I, you know, I was, I was nine and a half weeks, which is, technically it's so early on in a pregnancy, really. But at the same time, like I was just absolutely devastated. It just proved to me, you know, it doesn't matter how, how far along you are like, it's just, it's horrific. I can't even I don't have words still to be able to describe the feeling of it. And so that was it was a hard thing to hear as well, but he had Trisomy 21. Because you just don't you don't actually think that there's anything going to come back from these tests. You just think that it's one of those things, but in a way, I suppose. Hearing that it's just one of those things is more frustrating, you know, it needs to be Hobbs. We had a reason as well. And so I was very much kind of my my want I suppose for showing your game was fading fast at this stage because I was like theory, somebody's trying to tell us something here, like three in a row. And but I had a lovely conversation actually with Kathy Allen. She's the one of the doctors and policies. I am at the beginning of February. In January then sorry, my resounding we hadn't really we hadn't really Troy's anything. We weren't doing anything. And I was in the kitchen on Mike arch. He said to me was like Are you pregnant? This is kind of near the end of January. And I looked at him and I was like, no, no, like no, I'm not pregnant. I haven't I haven't got my period back or anything. I was it had gone on longer than the I haven't my cycle haven't returned. Yes. From the from the last CMC even at this stage. And it was like your boobs looks like your practice. And I started laughing I was like Are your grass he was like No, I'm not joking. Your boobs look like your practice. And I just stood there going oh my god, could you imagine? So the following morning I did a test and it was positive and I was like Oh Jesus, but in my head I was like this has to be HCG from the last one like for the first miscarriages okay just want HCG to go away. And so fully convinced myself that it was just residue, you know, HCG business. And then literally within within a week I think Muslim within like five days later I started bleeding. So it was obviously a chemical pregnancy because the test was too strong to have been HCG residue. And then after that, I remember Kathy out on phones and I was chatting to her and I said look, you know, to me, this is for little eggs they'll haven't been able to to make us long enough to kind of get going even. And I was like I just I think Verizon and she said she needs you know just different options said look you can get it and the IVF free to do on like you your age would need to get your eggs obviously tested first to make sure that their quality in order to be able to make baby um so it is pricey. But if you're absolutely adamant you want number three then that is something you can do you know it is an option for you. The door isn't completely closed. She said but look like at the end of the day you can get pregnant which is amazing for somebody your age, my am H level as well was actually quite impressive for somebody my age. And she just said like your age level is incredible. For a 40 year old. I turned 40 in April. And she said like, if you have it in you mentally to have another miscarriage. There's nothing stopping you from going again. And it was just something that really struck me I was like that's actually so true. Like if I have the emotional strength to go through another one. Then yeah, Do give it another Boss Boss obviously if I felt mentally complete you know emotionally mentally John then no you know don't go down there try again yourselves route go down a more expensive route and said look Michael and I are at the chart and we were like what we do and we decided yeah but he funnily enough like firstly it was very much me that wanted number three on them tables totally turned as the year went on and so yeah he was just like locked you know was let's give it a couple of months of a total break not not doing anything thinking about it nothing no tracking no nothing and and then let's try again in whenever March April time and I had been like myself kind of flipped very much in right what can I do to improve me on how I'm feeling and my body and everything else I put on a whole load of rage from obviously having so many miscarriages Xbox back and I had started taking proceeds which was really helpful not only like nutritionally but psychologically it really helped getting up in the morning and taking us and join Slimming World and like you know lost a little bit of waste not massive remains but just to feel healthier and myself. Yeah, yeah. And so did all that in the kind of two months that we didn't do anything. And then in the March we said rice let's give it one more go. And yeah, friends I use on Michael's birthday actually that I was pregnant again. So obviously had started the little spark of life. Because yes. And so had started that in April, where you obviously light a candle every nice, especially in your CV Gray's and hashtag at Spark life and just manifestos you know, getting pregnant and imagining that big, fat positive. And it kind of took off a little bit in the main semesters that I was getting from people Aveda was just so lovely and positive and hopeful. And, you know, loads of people join me in us. And so this little one or say little, actually, my husband, nicknamed Sparky as a result. And we're going to find out at the 18th of April, that I was pregnant again, I'm kind of in total disbelief. I was just like, let's just see, I think I was more relaxed going into that pregnancy then, as in at the very beginning. I don't mean that anyone completely batshit crazy. But the very beginning I was just like, you know, what we'll be we'll be you know, we've decided to give it one more go. And this is it. And so yeah, I mean, to be fair, horror stories were pretty amazing. I was in their weekly TLC clinic with Kathy alum, open so 12 weeks, but like was able to just kind of save some I'm really worried. Can I come in? I'm like, there's never been a problem. They've looked after me so incredibly well.


Corah

When you got past nine and a half 10 weeks stage, because that was the furthest you'd gone on. The last How did you feel that? And did you feel you could take a breath at all? Or did you feel like it splintered? You friend did you feel you could settle into the pregnancy?


Sinead

I don't think I ever say no. I was only thinking that myself.

And everyone has said to me like this is your last baby like you need to enjoy this pregnancy. And I love that I've hated every minute because I've loved when I'm lying in the cage in the evening. And Sparky decides to do somersaults and, you know, when the kids are talking to my belly and they, you know, they get a kick in the ear. Like that's, they're amazing moments. But I'm sitting here now and I'm like, when's the last time you moved? Actually, you know, it's just this constant worry, this constant fear. And like, losing charity at nine and a half weeks was horrific. Like, I can't as I said, I can't even verbalise how horrific it was. I I can't imagine losing a baby further along than those. I just think women that have gone through that are incredibly strong. And I Yeah, it's a constant fear account. I feel like my shoulders are heavy, the type of subscribers I feel like when I finally have this baby and in my arms on my chest, that's the only time that that heaviness is actually going to go and then it turns into different worry, I do get lost. I have two kids was I haven't haven't enjoyed us in the sense that it's just been. I felt like it's too good to be true the whole way through. I've constantly been waiting for them to tell me what's wrong. You know what I mean? And I've had everything that I haven't had in previous pregnancies, like, I hadn't really felt my movement like floaters and stuff. Very, very few. And then I went too much my injuries gone and they were like, Oh, you have an anterior placenta and I was like, I have a well, like I'd never heard of any of these terms. Because my first two pregnancies were so breezy like there was never anything never mornings that does nothing. So obviously my chest enters up the front and it's blocking all of these kicks that like, Sparky was doing gymnastics in there during the scan. And she was like, you know, feel that and I was like, No, not really like feel something but not, not to the level that I can see on the screen. So that was obviously one thing that I've had I my tire or just another thing. So my thyroid meds. I've had an underactive thyroid for years. I think I was mentioned in the last podcast.


I, one of the things when I was chatting to the bereavement midwife in January or February, so one of the first things I want you to do when you get pregnant again, is get your thyroid checked, and I was like, Alright, I'm pretty much on top of it, you know, I get it done every six months or so, and she was like, no, no, no, I want you to go and get attacks whenever you find out your practice. So I was on 50 milligrammes of Eltroxin, every day and have my clothes on. My doctor was like, I look, it's a little bit raised, but it's fine, very much. It's grounded, it's within the normal levels of whatever. So when Hollis trees caught wind of what they were, they were like, no, no, no, we want thought down under a tree. And it was 4.9. And so I was like, Alright, okay, just show like my GP was on the kind of like, no, it's wrong, because I've had so many miscarriages on the street very much like, No, this needs to be reading below that. So it took about, I spent about six weeks for them to get my meds, right. But I'm on like, triple, triple the dose now. So I'm like, it just was ridiculous. I'm talking about six weeks at Apollo. And so they were really, really raised. So that was another thing that I think again, psychologically, it helps because you're like, oh, look, they're massively on top of my thyroid. Yeah. And having an unbalanced thyroid narrative pregnancy can cause miscarriage, which I obviously found out for them. And so yeah, tire and again, like I've had an underactive thyroid for years, but my meds have never been really effective. And I've been pregnant. So it just shows how every pregnancy can be so different. So yeah, like, literally graduated from the TLC clinic for 12 weeks, and then went to the pre term surveillance clinic because it almost six weeks early, they kind of said, well, we're going to put you into this tenant from day one. So like, I think, 28 weeks, they're kind of happy enough. So I was in that clinic and they scan you every two weeks. So there is a lovely reassurance every couple of weeks. We see them on the screen. And then I'm back now under just under the normal clinicals I called graduated from the pre terms arrive. I'm still pregnant, which is amazing. I am on to nombre de further it's how I got with dealing with my own so um, but yeah, so it's it's been? It's been a journey. The cons even. Yeah, I just feel like I have been pregnant since April. 2019. November 2021. I don't have a baby. Yes. Like it's, it's been the longest pregnancy. I feel like an elephant in the two year pregnancies that I wasn't supposed to go through before they got a baby. Especially like Right. And more were more sense of the word and just the length of a pregnancy.


Corah

I know we spoke a few times I'm like wrack my head. How can I help Sinead? How can I help her? Gone? Your job was just to just to, I don't know, you said you've done a few things like you. You bought a few baby bits and you held off for doing that for quite some time. So what have you had Have you found anything that's helped you kind of get into that mode that you're going to hold a baby in her arms that a couple of weeks.


Sinead

And it took me just like you know yourself it took me ages to actually buy anything only bought something like within the last few weeks. And that's one of those born in 2021 ones is now like I think January to get through the first few weeks, like loads of people messaged me on Instagram and asked me how did you get through the first few weeks of the unknown on the you know, to get over the 12 week mark when you've had so many losses. I actually just pretended I wasn't pregnant, but I could because I didn't have ridiculous morning sickness like easy in the evening but like I really genuinely just tried to convince myself that I wasn't pregnant I'm just get on life. And that's how I got through the first few weeks and obviously I was being checked weekly. So there was that reassurance but you also get scan scan xiety That you're you know, you've got to cope with days before the scan that you're shooting yourself you're right to find out that there's no heartbeat every week. So as amazing as it was to have weekly scans. It also brought that anxiety with us every single week for those weekend scans. And yeah, I think I I'm very open. I'm charting as you know, like love a good podcast. But I found talking about my worries and my fears and everything else with people that I know that I've experienced miscarriage and also people on Instagram that have shared stuff with me. It just feels so good to know that you're not alone and all of those feelings they You have, like, total unreasonable, you know, and xiety and worries and silly things across your mind, like, like I bled early on in this pregnancy as well. And then again at like 11 weeks, and they put it down, they put me on progesterone assessments not just from sort of as my aspirin levels were fine. And but they did put me on progesterone and Kathy, I was like, there's nothing wrong with my progesterone levels. But if it made me feel better, that she would give me a script. And I was like, Yeah, you know what it will just, if it's not going to do any harm, let's just get out. So, like, I bled early, and I bled again, about 11 weeks, and they put a dime to the progesterone, which was hilarious. I was like this tick, this is supposed to be helping me. But obviously, I irritated myself when I put it in. It was my own doing, obviously. Yeah, I like, I don't know, it's just literally been week on week. Like, I'm sitting here and I'm 35 weeks tomorrow. And I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe in 35 weeks tomorrow. But at the same time, I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm still pregnant. Like, I know, yeah, it's the weirdest kind of feeling of, I am still pregnant. But I'm so close to the finish line. No, but then that brings a whole nother level of fear and anxiety and worry that everything's actually going to be okay. And that spark is going to be okay. When they when they come out. Like I was fully convinced for the first four months that it only had one arm. I was like, I haven't seen the other arm and it's gone. And my friend is ActionAid, which was like, a lot of seeing the property or rehab and stuff, I'm kind of convinced that they would have told you by now, if your baby was missing an arm, like all of these totally, you know, insane thoughts go through your head. And I think it's still very much real. Like there's nothing to say that I am home free. Yes. You know, I'm very aware of that now, more so than I ever was the other two. But I am shattered in first action.


Corah

So, what's your plan? When Sparky does arrive and to view come home together to the rest of your family? What's your plan? You're going to you're going to stay in bed for the two weeks you're going to stay at home? What are you going to do?


Sinead

So if I make it to my section days, I will be and obviously for three to five days, whatever thank designed to keep me in for and chances are there will be no little visits to NICU this time on like Devon for two weeks. So yeah, if there's just going to be a baby stuck to my chest, it's going to be like a an addition to me, because I'm not putting it down, never leaving me upside. And I don't need any angel heart monitors are on my back, because it's just going to be here all of the time. And yeah, and I really like obviously this is absolutely the last straw for me. So I would love to be able to breastfeed as long as I did with Dylan. Yeah. And I just remember the advice of the lactation consultant that I have with him and she was just like, lie down forgot about the iceberg. Let me feed your baby here for if that is your job for the next few weeks. Um, it obviously will be a lot harder like maybe was six whenever Dayton was born so I did have that time she understood a little bit more like he is the pocket rockers so he's not going to be as understanding and it is going to be over the Christmas holidays so everyone's going to be home so it's going to be going to be an adjustment but your age just adding to the already mad haste that But Dylan super excited he has two boy babies and his Sowmya partner. Oh yeah, that's gonna be fun. Whenever he realises that he doesn't tell any very business on me. But every time I like take a picture or do anything he's standing there going on me take a picture of my boy babies. Oh God, so cute. Yeah. Are you so cute? And he talks very Sparky all the time. He puts one ear on my belly and hose the other air as if it keeps the same day watch and forget Yeah, I'm really is manifesting a girl baby.


Corah

I've no idea usually I'm really good. I've been able to tell the sexes of all my nephews nieces. Like no problem. I just. Yeah, I can't I have absolutely no idea what you're having.


Sinead

I was convinced I was saying this before we started recording, convinced it was a girl. And then I'm pretty sure I did see a willy in a scan. But then everyone was like, No, that's the cord I'm like, okay, so I actually have no idea. We don't have a boy's name yet. For anybody wants to put up an L box and throw more suggestions in because we really have not settled on a name. We have our girls name, but we don't have a boy's name. And yeah, like, I have bits and pieces from the last two years so there's no major panic, like I think you'd earn a number three. You don't need all the bells and whistles. You know, you just need to do you have your backpack? Oh, I do. I do. So I have never been able to do this didn't have any bags with day Lily I was in complete denial that I was actually pregnant until I had her and and there was no Geoff around and I was still very much grieving and everything else so I never really I never had a bag for her. I went in and had her and then people brought my shirt into the hospital to me and Dylan I was not ready I probably would have been more sensible with him but he arrived six weeks early so again, nothing packs to be fair Michael did pretty well packing my hospital bag with him. So this time around the incredible Siobhan from all over like I actually need to meet this woman to really do what she was going to buy them anyway because I was like this is my treat now there's my last baby I'm going on. I'm going to buy my hospital bags filled with everything. And she sent me my hospital bags, I have to so I have my bag and sparkies bag I don't need labour bag because I'm having a section so there's nothing really I don't need any spritzy sprays. I've gone through my Sparky bag but haven't gone through my hospital I guess I must get that one of these days and just to make sure I have everything but you know what I love that's what I love about Instagram like you put up a question box Do you like rice? I have this in the bag but has anyone else snuck anything in that's like really valuable for your unlike the suggestions are awesome like the extra long charging cable. I remember when I had seven I couldn't charge my second phone. I had it on my shoulder or half the time trying to get it to charge and you're like trying to text people with on your has to get my bought like Exelon charging cables. And she Vaughn has these really cool little really dim lights. They're like, yeah, tea light things. Yeah, yeah. And they're awesome. So like, things like that. It's just, I'm actually kind of excited that I have like to hospitalised and the bugs are pretty awesome as well.


Corah

I was just about tosay you'll have those forever as well.


Sinead

The large holders awesome. It's such a holiday bag like a weekend away, right? Yeah. And then the really one is like Mary Poppins one you know we get open them and it just feels like it just has everything that you need in life on the kitchen sink in the bag. So yes, I am super super excited. The only thing I don't have is a Netflix list of things to watch. t


Corah

Thank you for sharing. It wont be long before you're looking at the baby just studying the baby clothes off. Look a little nails and hands. Yeah, I was only saying to someone today. I was talking to and I was talking about baby hands and I was like I had my baby's hands like stuck to my mouth and to my nose just to smell t won't them.


Sinead

Like, I cannot. I can't wait. Like it's actually kind of it's that really annoying feeling of like, okay, Can we hurry up? Yeah, I know. I know. Walking through John drums, I'm not leaving my house. And as I'm wearing black neck, that's my thing. And because obviously didn't I was at a funeral when my waters broke. And it's very obvious in my clothing that my water is broken. And this time I'm like, No, I'm just gonna wear black and it's not as obvious I'm I can hopefully water to my car on get home for my husband to bring me into hospital and all will be well. No, can't wait. Yeah, or I might make us to, to my section days and have a nice, relaxing C section experience. But this has to be continued at a later date. Because I have no idea what's gonna happen. I feel like if it's a girl, I'll get to my section days and if it's a boy, I'll go area. That's what I feel. That's my vibe at the moment.


Corah

And the next time we see each other face to face to be under his shoulder.


Sinead

I I'm gonna you're gonna have my baby on your shoulder.


Corah

Okay, so thank you. I'm so excited to chat to you when Sparky does arrive. Yeah, it's gonna be a gorgeous episode. Thank you so much.


Sinead

I can't wait. I'm actually really hoping that I do get to have like a nice relaxed sheduled C section. So I've heard wonderful things about the Schedule section, not an emergency one because it was manic with Alan. But I'm actually kind of excited Kitty sent me requests, which I never knew that you could really thing for your C section when she sent me the most incredible email with like, this list of things that you can and you may not get them all, but things that you can ask for like, you know, have music playing and the drape slightly lower. So yeah, I am. I'm hoping in that regard that I get to my day so that I can kind of just have a little plan in place.


Corah

And yeah,make sure there's lots of photos taken as well. Give someone your phone that it's Michael


Sinead

I actually would love, love, love love if you were allowed to bring a photographer and especially the last baby but there's not a hope in hell. So I've Michael pre warned and I've literally deleted like, half of the photos because I'm terrible. I keep every single photo on my phones. There's never any memories. So I've literally like gone through it all box it all up and deleted like half the photos on my phone. So there's plenty of space. And I'm like, right. I'm actually probably going to write down a list of the photos that I want. Yeah, good idea. I'm lifting the baby off. I want all of this this time. I'm like, Just get it all. Just keep your finger on the button. But yeah, my resume. I want so many photos. So many photos. I just can't wait. I actually. Yeah, I'm very excited. Can you tell? Yeah, there's


Corah

Yeah, there's lot of us. The exact same boat. We're all just can't wait to see that it's happened that the baby's here. Yeah, I just can't wait


Sinead

I'm like, joins you like a video? Or do I just spit it out and say like, you know, the name arrived on to everybody knows the sex? Or do we kind of make it a bit secretive and be like, Ooh, what is this? So yeah, no, I'm I'm in the plans of my announcement and what it's going to be like, you know, me, I'll probably just spit it out. Yeah, no, I have to do something. Something. Had to keep the anticipation going. Because it's been since April 2020. So maybe as well keep going a bit longer. Yeah. Well, thankYeah, thank you for sharing.



Corah

And we all got to breathe that sigh of relief when Sinead brought her little boy into the world on Sunda day. So exciting. I cannot wait to hear all about it. And I'm just so happy. That baby Sparky is here. And I know I'm not alone in feeling that So congratulations, huge congratulations to Sinead and family and I am just so happy. So thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I will keep you up to date. Let Sinead enjoy her bubble. And we'll catch up in a couple of weeks to hear all about her birth experience. If you would like to share your story, you are more than welcome to I've received a couple of messages in the past few days from people suggesting other people say they want to hear someone else's story which I love. So keep doing that. If there's someone on you're intrigued to hear their story. It could be anybody just tag that person let me know and I will reach out to them. Yeah, enjoy the rest of your week and I will have another episode for you next week


Corah x





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